One thing The Lord has taught me through this trial of fibromyalgia is to depend on him for everything. I need the Lord’s help daily for the strengthen to do even the simplest of things. A very dear friend pointed out to me recently that I have a problem with “doing”. Meaning I am always doing the Lords work trying to achive some favor with Him. I have always secretly known this but would never admit it and was shocked that someone else had noticed it. I have always felt this sense of duty to be everything for everyone. Especially at church. If anyone asked me to serve in any ministry I would almost always say yes. I felt it was expected of me. I would always rationalize this to myself and my husband by saying ” if I don’t do it who will”. I felt like I need to make up for everyone else’s lack of service. It would frustrate me so much to see people sitting in church, getting their fill of the word, and leaving every week without any thought to what they could do for The Lord’s work. I honestly felt it was my duty to fill in the gap for these people.
This was until the pain of FB was too great. I tried to keep plugging along like nothing was wrong but after awhile I couldn’t fight it any longer. I had to step down from some of the ministries I was involved in. It just so happened that during this time I was reading ” Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Johanna Weaver. By reading this book The Lord revealed to me the sin in my heart. And yes my sense of duty was a sin. How? Because I was so busy serving The Lord that I didn’t have time to build a relationship with Him. Also, I was “doing” to please men not God. Lastly, I was doing this all in my own strength. I honestly believe one of the reasons The Lord brought this pain into my life is so that I would be more dependent on Him and less on myself. This has caused me to completely reevaluate my life and my places of service. Where is it that The Lord would have me serve and where am I doing it all on my own? It took some serious time of prayer to get it all straightened out, but I had to begin with getting my relationship with The Lord right.
I hope those of you reading are not hearing what I am not saying. Please don’t take from this that you should not be serving in your church. Or that I am justifying those who are in church to get what they can and never give back. But I am more compassionate to those who may not be serving as much as I thought they should. Maybe they have a physical issue just like me and want to serve but can’t. Or maybe their ministry is behind the scenes, something I can’t see. And maybe you are reading this and you don’t have a place that you are serving. I urge you to pray and seek The Lord about where he would have you serve. I can’t number the blessings I have received from serving.
The Lord has a place of service for all of us. It might not be where you or I expect. But have a right relationship with Him. Serve him through his power not your own and the blessings will rain down.